Blood Red Moon, Broken Bleeding Heart

We made it back from Pastor Brother Brian's, finally, around 9:45pm. Turns out I was unable to get the GRAVOL for the dog, and yes, he threw up in his kennel once again... We had to stop in Windsor at the Ultramar and clean the kennel. The guy at the gas station was very nice though. He gave us a bucket of hot water and lots of paper towel to clean it with. I do not think Tucker will be travelling with us much... But, let's not start the story in the middle...


This morning I finally got to go to one of my brother's services for the first time. I ended up singing Were You There When They Crucified My Lord. I sang it rather well, I think, however, my piano playing left a lot to be desired! I bought the book on the way out of the city yesterday (as that is the song he wanted me to sing so I thought I had better have the music for it!), so this morning was the first time I got to play it. I was able to run through it, I think, 3 times during Sunday School time before folks began showing up. All in all it was a very good service, and I am quite proud of my brother. He has captured the hearts of the good people in New Tusket, and they him and Peggy as well. I am very glad to know that God even loves "that barking dog!".


Last night we talked a bit about Rev. Dr. John Weiler. Now Pastor John will ALWAYS be "my Pastor", even though he hasn't actually been my Pastor since 1998. Brian got to take some courses with him last summer just before he got the call to New Tusket. Brian told me that after spending a few days with Pastor John, who is now Area Pastor for NB and PEI, Pastor John told Brian that he could place him in at least 3 churches in his area! Coming from Rev. Dr. John Weiler, that is an enormous compliment! There is no better preacher than John Weiler, and if HE thinks a 3rd year Div. student has already made it... He's made it. Way to go Pastor Brother!


{By the way, these big gaps between paragraphs are for Chelle, who gets sore eyes and headaches very easily and has had trouble reading so close together.}


After church we went back to Brian's for a wonderful turkey dinner! Thank you so much Peggy. You really did not have to go to all that trouble for us! I can't wait til after graduation and you guys can come down here and I can cook for you.


After we cleaned up from "dinner", Peggy and Victoria and I went back over to the church for a baby shower they were having to celebrate the arrival of the grandson of one of the ladies at the church. It was a very lovely shower, and Angelee got lots of wonderful pressies for Aidan.


Once we got back to the Parsonage (and what a beautiful Parsonage it is!), we realized it was after 5pm, and it is a LONG drive, so we packed up the truck, and Brian and Peggy lead us out so we could find the highway and come home.


What does this all have to do with a "Blood Red Moon", or a "Broken Bleeding Heart"? Well, our home is eastward from Brian's and as we were driving we were watching the moon rise. It was fiery red and oh, so beautiful! It was huge as it sat on the horizon the color of Crimson. Then, as it rose higher into the sky it got a little smaller and a little less red, then it turned Pumpkin Orange. It went through the entire Red, Orange, Yellow palette, and as I drove on eastward I watched it and marvelled at the Glory of God that is around us everyday, that we take for granted.


A "Broken Bleeding Heart"? Listening to my new worship CD in the truck, and watching the splendor of this gorgeous moon, my heart became heavy over a broken relationship in my life. One that is very dear to me. Not knowing what I should/could do to possibly reconcile this relationship I cried out to God. I could very easily stop in on the way home and see how I would be received... Of course, every single possible scenario went through my mind, and my heavy heart broke and began to bleed as I began to cry over this lost relationship.


I asked God what I should do? Should I make the move, be vulnerable to more possible heartache, or should I wait it out and let the other person come to me?


We had Communion this morning, and as with every time I have taken communion since this broken relationship I have felt in my heart that I am not being truthful to myself, or to God. Right in the Call to the Lord's Supper, the Pastor reads from 1 Corinthians 11 the following verses:


27Therefore, whoever eats the breadordrinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty ofsinningagainst the body and blood of the Lord. 28A man ought to examine himselfbeforehe eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.


And my Bible also tells me in Matthew 5:


23Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there rememberthatyour brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front ofthealtar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer yourgift.


And in Romans 12:


18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace witheveryone.


So, with these verses weighing heavily on my mind, and with my heart breaking over the breakdown of a very important relationship in my life, I, stupidly, came to decision that if I received direction to go try to make amends with this person by the time I got off the highway ramp for a pee break for the kids, and for gas, I would go. I don't think I have to tell you that I THOUGHT I got this direction. It was Andrew, just as I turned onto the off ramp, "Can we stop into visit XXXX?"


We went. Said person was not at home. The kids went pee, and talked to the other people who live there, whereupon my daughter found it necessary to tell YYYY and ZZZZ something which just happened to be something that will add fuel to the fire. So much for " Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down." (Proverbs 26:20)


I am afraid that my stupidity in thinking that I could HELP the situation will only have made it worse once XXXX gets home and ZZZZ tells her what my daughter said.
Will this conflict ever end? Will there ever be reconcilliation? Will we ever have a right relationship again? I sure hope so! This is one person I cannot seem to live without in my life. This is one person I have given my whole heart to. This is the reason for the quote in my email signature:


"She was bad at loving. She loved too hard."~ AnnBrashares
The Second Summer of the Sisterhood
Well, it is almost tomorrow, and I am still very heavy~hearted, and still tired and achy from the drive, so I will bid you all good night...

And so, today, this is...
Life As I Know It