Today seems to be a better day than yesterday. Kinda got off on the wrong foot when I went downstairs to wash my "delicates" and saw the disaster area that is my basement - then the I-don't-know-how-long-they-were-sitting-there clothes in the washer that needed to be washed again. However, I made arrangements for a friend to come for coffee after work to defuse my Pre-Deployment Jitters, then another friend challenged me to a game of Scrabble on Facebook, and then I made plans with another friend (whose boyfriend is going to be sailing with Al) to come and look over the deployment info that I have, because she doesn't have any, and she is going to stay for supper.
My original plan for this morning was to go to the MFRC and work on my Deployment Binders, but that doesn't look like it is going to happen, so... I am cleaning the kitchen and making tuna melts for myself. *It must be a better day if I am feeding myself at lunch time...*
Anyway, I just wanted to let y'all know that the mood of yesterday has lifted - if nothing else, at least momentarily. Must run, it is probably my turn in Scrabble - and I am getting the pants beat off me!
And so, today, this is...
Life As I Know It
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Thirty-Seven Days - And Counting
There are things that occur in one's life which makes one wish to hide away from the world, in the hopes that everything untoward will disappear. There are stressors which makes one question one's own contribution to the world - the world in general, and one's own immediate world. There are actions (and reactions) in one's life, from time to time, which makes one question one's own validity. There are, sometimes, people in one's life who cause one to feel less of who one is and more of who others perceive one to be. And then, there is ONE, ONESELF - who gets so caught up in all the above that One doubts One's presence in the life One has created.
Then the question arises, "How does One get Oneself out this black hole? - BEFORE the things of life and the stressors compound!" When One finds Oneself in a black hole, of sorts, knowing full well that what is coming, ever so quickly, is going to be worse than where One is right now, One needs to come up with a Game Plan.
A Game Plan - sounds easy. It's not. It requires One to look the White Elephant in the face and recognize that One's irrationalities are caused by said Elephant. Every little thing boils down to One's reactions (known and unknown) are a result of that which is staring One in the face, with which One will not (cannot?) lock gazes.
If this "Elephant" affected only said Person, One may have a better chance of locking gazes and attacking "Elephant", and beating it down. However, when One has other, even more fragile, people relying on One to, somehow, Duct Tape THEIR lives together so that the bottom of THEIR world does not fall out - the facing of that Elephant becomes even more terrifying!
So, it is no longer ONE, but MANY. How can ONE hold together MANY in the face of this terrifying BEAST when ONE cannot even hold ONESELF together? There has to be a way - and it has to be soon!
One has to get all One's proverbial ducks in a row, so that One can sit the Many down and - calmly and rationally - explain this Elephant, and how this Elephant is going to affect the lives of the Many. One has to present to the Many the aforementioned Game Plan. The Game Plan which is yet to be created. The Game Plan which One cannot create until One is retrieved from the Black Hole (called Despair).
Concurrently with all this, One has the daunting task of Life As Normal. One must do One's daily tasks. One must ensure that the Many (collectively, and individually) get to where ever it is that require the Many's presence. One must (learn to!) put on One's MASK. The MASK that tells the world that One is OK. The MASK that tells the Many that the bottom is NOT falling out.
And then there is the Other~One. This is the person One needs to wear the MASK for the most. If the Other~One thinks that One cannot hold the Many together, then the Other~One becomes distressed, and the Other~One cannot perform the Other~One's job properly. Which, in turn, could not only cause the bottom to fall out, but cause entire thing to completely BLOW APART. One MUST make the Other~One believe that One has everything under control. That One has the Many in a state where they Many are co-operative and respectful. Once again, when One is seemingly unable to propel Oneself out of that Black Hole (called Despair).
Then One becomes possessive of the Other~One, and does not wish to share the Other~One with the Multitudes. And the Multitudes - most specifically, the Dominator of the Multitudes - are very intrusive. There is nothing One can say to or about the Dominator of the Multitudes to the Other~One without causing strife in the Many's world. SO... The One is left to feel put aside, put upon, INSIGNIFICANT - when all One wants to do is to hold the Many together for as long as is possible.
However, there are days when One want to disappear. Days when One want to forget that all this is happening, and just drive and drive...
And so we have now come full circle. Back to where we started, with One wishing to hide away from the world.
All this causes One to ask - Where does One's help come from? King David asked that too, many many years ago.
But King David had an answer. Could One take his answer for Oneself?
Perhaps King David's faith was stronger than One's... Perhaps One needs more than that? Perhaps...
Life As I Know It
Then the question arises, "How does One get Oneself out this black hole? - BEFORE the things of life and the stressors compound!" When One finds Oneself in a black hole, of sorts, knowing full well that what is coming, ever so quickly, is going to be worse than where One is right now, One needs to come up with a Game Plan.
A Game Plan - sounds easy. It's not. It requires One to look the White Elephant in the face and recognize that One's irrationalities are caused by said Elephant. Every little thing boils down to One's reactions (known and unknown) are a result of that which is staring One in the face, with which One will not (cannot?) lock gazes.
If this "Elephant" affected only said Person, One may have a better chance of locking gazes and attacking "Elephant", and beating it down. However, when One has other, even more fragile, people relying on One to, somehow, Duct Tape THEIR lives together so that the bottom of THEIR world does not fall out - the facing of that Elephant becomes even more terrifying!
So, it is no longer ONE, but MANY. How can ONE hold together MANY in the face of this terrifying BEAST when ONE cannot even hold ONESELF together? There has to be a way - and it has to be soon!
One has to get all One's proverbial ducks in a row, so that One can sit the Many down and - calmly and rationally - explain this Elephant, and how this Elephant is going to affect the lives of the Many. One has to present to the Many the aforementioned Game Plan. The Game Plan which is yet to be created. The Game Plan which One cannot create until One is retrieved from the Black Hole (called Despair).
Concurrently with all this, One has the daunting task of Life As Normal. One must do One's daily tasks. One must ensure that the Many (collectively, and individually) get to where ever it is that require the Many's presence. One must (learn to!) put on One's MASK. The MASK that tells the world that One is OK. The MASK that tells the Many that the bottom is NOT falling out.
And then there is the Other~One. This is the person One needs to wear the MASK for the most. If the Other~One thinks that One cannot hold the Many together, then the Other~One becomes distressed, and the Other~One cannot perform the Other~One's job properly. Which, in turn, could not only cause the bottom to fall out, but cause entire thing to completely BLOW APART. One MUST make the Other~One believe that One has everything under control. That One has the Many in a state where they Many are co-operative and respectful. Once again, when One is seemingly unable to propel Oneself out of that Black Hole (called Despair).
Then One becomes possessive of the Other~One, and does not wish to share the Other~One with the Multitudes. And the Multitudes - most specifically, the Dominator of the Multitudes - are very intrusive. There is nothing One can say to or about the Dominator of the Multitudes to the Other~One without causing strife in the Many's world. SO... The One is left to feel put aside, put upon, INSIGNIFICANT - when all One wants to do is to hold the Many together for as long as is possible.
However, there are days when One want to disappear. Days when One want to forget that all this is happening, and just drive and drive...
And so we have now come full circle. Back to where we started, with One wishing to hide away from the world.
All this causes One to ask - Where does One's help come from? King David asked that too, many many years ago.
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
But King David had an answer. Could One take his answer for Oneself?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth
Perhaps King David's faith was stronger than One's... Perhaps One needs more than that? Perhaps...
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches
over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm
you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming
and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121
And so, today, this is...
Life As I Know It
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
YIPPIE!
I got my truck back today - YAY! She looks as good as new. And the damage - $4272.52 - thank God for Insurance!
Started physio Monday. She says that there is a lot of damage in my neck and I need to wear a "soft collar" all the time - and it is a royal pain in the you know what! And she says that there is significant nerve damage in my spine. Wonderful. We started acupuncture yesterday. I had today off, and go again tomorrow - for more acupuncture I suspect.
That's it for today. Short and sweet. Night all...
And so, today, this is...
Life As I Know It
Started physio Monday. She says that there is a lot of damage in my neck and I need to wear a "soft collar" all the time - and it is a royal pain in the you know what! And she says that there is significant nerve damage in my spine. Wonderful. We started acupuncture yesterday. I had today off, and go again tomorrow - for more acupuncture I suspect.
That's it for today. Short and sweet. Night all...
And so, today, this is...
Life As I Know It
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)