I Have Decided...

That I can't please all of the people all of the time. I can't even please MOST of the people MOST of the time. Some days, maybe, if it is a GOOD day, I can please SOME of the people SOME of the time. Family, friends, it doesn't matter. I am ALWAYS on some one's "shit list". And no, I am not going to pretend that I do not say that, because I do... I am DONE with pretending. I am done with "trying too hard", with "loving too hard".

I am who I am. I am not perfect. I never claimed to be. I have faults, which I freely admit. If I am not what you expect/want/wish for me to be, I guess, as bluntly as this sounds, too bad! If people can't accept me for who I am, where I am - TODAY, then perhaps the effort I have been making to please them has been wasted... I only have so much energy to get me through the day Please follow the link to the "Spoon Theory", I re-read it again last night, and decided I was wasting too many "spoons" trying to be what everyone wants me to be. I can't do it anymore. Members of our OWN FAMILY are not speaking to ME. They are speaking to everyone else in the house, just not me... And if by some strange chance she is reading this... Yes, I mean you. And yes it still hurts. And yes those words still sting. BUT I AM THROUGH being some one's puppet.

I have a lot on my plate right now. There are things looming in our future {VERY NEAR FUTURE, I might add} that are very stressful for me. I need the care and support of people I do not have to pretend around. People like Lois, and Kelly, and Brian, and Elizabeth, and Sandy, and Tanya, and Deborah (God love Deborah!), and Geraldine & Cory, and Karen, and all our Military friends, and (most) of our church family. Family members who are not trying to villianize me, friends who are not trying to change me...

I pretend to have it all together. I pretend to be tough. I pretend that things do not bother me. Life is "safer" that way. You don't open yourself up, you don't get hurt. I think I have become too lenient with my "wall". I think it needs to come back up. I think I need to stop letting people dictate who I should be. I think I need to stop letting people in so freely...

Now I know there is "someone" who will read this and think it is all about her...you know who you are! Nothing could be further from the truth, so stop beating yourself up about it. There is just so much you don't know... So much MOST of you don't know. So much MOST of you are never going to know...

OK, that's it. Let the slinging start...

And so, today, this is...
Life As I Know It