"Untitled" because I am feeling rather blah, and not very creative.
I think I have discovered one of the reasons I am a night owl. It is because my body tends to not hurt so badly at night. Mornings are excruciating. Ask anyone whose been around me first thing in the morning when all my "get the day going and body moving" meds kick in! {They seem to make me rather chatty for about half an hour...} But as the day wears on, for the most part, the pain goes from being excruciating (like putting on my socks is akin to medieval torture), to somewhat bearable (just don't ask me to lift, bend, jump, run...etc.) Such is the life of a "fibromite". {'Course, being rear-ended by a dump truck - TWICE didn't help much; then falling on the leg/hip that took the dump truck's impact REALLY didn't do a whole lot of good either!}
Today (well technically yesterday) was the 9th. That means Al will be home in 4 months. One hundred and twenty days (not that I'm counting... {where are those eye-rolling emoticons when you really need them?} ...) I think I dreamt about him last night. I can't really remember, but I have that feeling that I was with him. The same feeling I get when I dream about my mother, then I don't miss her quite so much, because we had spent time together. However, the lump of pillows and heating pad that are tucked into his side of the bed are not really cutting it anymore. I am ready for some real body parts - get your mind out of the gutter Elizabeth Dorene! I mean arms to hold me, and lips whisper in my ear and kiss my neck, and chest on which to rest my head at night.
And speaking of my mother, I miss her a lot tonight - thanks to Tim! We talked about prayer and faith and healing at group tonight, which I was ignoring very effectively with my knitting, until he noticed that I hadn't said anything and very promptly asked me what I thought. What I thought! I had been doing very well keeping the tears at bay counting stitches and rows and learning how to do a cable, thank you VERY much! What I thought... Marjorie and Beatrice both knew what I thought, and knew why I was knitting so very diligently. "We've already talked about this!", is about all I managed to get out, hoping it was enough. Men are so thick sometimes, even very kind, gentle, good men like Tim. "I don't understand..." So Beatrice proceeded to tell him of my Mother and my struggle with praying for healing and all I could do was cry and wish that the sofa would eat me.
So now I am feeling rather blah. I am tired. I am sore. I am sad. I am lonely. And I want the 2 people I can't have. Make that 3 - I wanted to run to Lois's but she isn't even here anymore. So, that's that. Time for bed... I hope tomorrow is brighter.
And so, today, this is...
Life As I Know It
2 comments:
Donna...I would never think of anything else except having someone to hold... You know my struggle with not being with the jerk for 2 years before making decisions I didnt think I was strong enough to make. I still miss having someone to hold and have hold me. Just think in 119 days you can hold him and have him hold you. You are such an amazingly strong and resiliant woman. If you werent, the Lord would not have led you to Al and would not have led Al to the Navy. It takes someone strong to be able to handle everything that comes with having a spouse in the forces. I am proud of you and look up to you for my strength, whether it be faith or just personal strength. Keep up the good work. As always you are in my prayers and thoughts.
This is totally vague, but I was reading somewhere about stem cell research, and how they were pioneering new ways of harvesting them that isn't as controversial as from embryos, and how in the near future, this could lead to a treatment/cure for things like fibromyalgia. It was interesting, if I come across the article again, I'll save it for you. Anyway, I thought of you. I hope your feeling less blue soon! And yeah, I'd been talking to Roni about Tuesday instead of Monday. I'd thought you said Tuesday didn't work for you- so I was just going to have whoever could come whichever night, but if you can come Tuesday, let's do it then!
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